dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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