Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
