I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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