Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
