were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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