the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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