My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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