I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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