Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
