I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
