When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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