Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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