after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
