a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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