never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
