The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
