There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
