her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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