ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He shit in the fireplace
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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