Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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