What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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