No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
