i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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