Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
