you told grandpa to call you daddy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize