Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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