Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
