i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
