never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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