I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
