You can't special order awesome
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
