another moral hangover. fuck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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