He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She bit a glass in half.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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