I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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