Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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