Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
