Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
