Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
