but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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