i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
