literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
