this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
