After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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