only if we run a train.
done.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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