Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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