he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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