and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
