maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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