I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
