Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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