my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
