I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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