Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
