Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
