I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
