So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sex in a hospital.. check
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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