WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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