Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just had sex bonerless
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
