You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
