I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
