I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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