He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
