i just had sex bonerless
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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