I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
