two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
