I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
