Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
