I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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