Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
