Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i think my tv is drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
