Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
