My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
