You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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