ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
