just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
