Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
