I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
