Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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