i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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