So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
