I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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