Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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