Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
