when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
